Lip Gloss Lolita

I committed to this blog and I have realized how incredibly hard this all is. One emotional upheaval has completely thrown me off track. I can’t believe this is happening, I thought by now I would be down at least fifty pounds. This is so hard…I haven’t given up though. I am ready to refocus. I am going to have a birthday soon, I sure would like today to be that day, you know the rest of my life.

I am still doing it guys, still on track. I have been horribly busy lately so I don’t have time for long conversations, but I am taking care of myself.

Hi Everyone,
I am feeling so much better, I am back on track and doing well. I am doing baked fish and lots of water today, I did not weigh myself, but I will on Friday. I am taking this one day at a time, stay encouraged, I am.

This was a tough week, but now I am seeing things a little more clearly. I had to pull back from everything and everybody and get a grip! The toughest thing for me to get into my head is that I matter too. I have been conditioned my whole life to esteem others higher than myself, to put myself last, I understand why but I cannot help anybody if I am not taking care of myself. I am sitting here thinking…what is the best that I can do with my life and what I have right now? I can fast and pray I can exercise each day. Some where inside of this mass of fat is a person that I am dying to see. I want to see what I really look like. The days are going by so quickly…I have lost so much time. I don’t want to lose another day.

Okay, so I fell off the wagon–badly. I haven’t gone to the track and I tried to eat all of the food God has provided for man. I’m trying hard to re-direct myself and I feel strongly that as soon as I finish these peanut butter m&m’s I’ll be back on track. I am praying hard, a lot of stupid stuff has been happening lately with me but I’m getting better. As you all have probably guessed I’m one of those people that naturally worry about everything. This is not something that I would reccomend to anyone, I hate being like this. That is one of the reasons I wanted to fast, I need to get into a different place, mentally and spiritually. I think too much. I will check in tommorow hopefully with better news. Good grief!

So, when I got off work this morning (I work midnights), I wanted to go right to the track. I couldn’t because some one has to  be home at all times until the broken window (from the robbery) is repaired. I called a couple of relatives to see if they wanted to go with me later–to no avail. I am not giving up though, I will still get there and do my laps around the track—I just wanted to do it early. This disappointment did not lead to binge eating (thankfully), I just cleaned up my bedroom and made a journal entry. I tried on a  dress that I plan to wear at the end of July (special occassion). It looks a hot mess! Needless to say–cheating should not be on my list of things to do for quite some time. Well I’m off to pray for a while and hopefully get to the track. I’ll log in later for a catch up!

Hello Again,
I am a little shaken after my ordeal, ( my home was broken into) and I went into an emotional tailspin (eating binge) so now after two packs of powdered doughnuts and a Kit Kat bar I am sufficiently calmed down. I am ready for day one again, tommorow. Look–this will be one of the most honest and realistic accounts of weight loss, struggle, and the triggers that I encounter. I don’t just want to lose weight fast, I want to discover why I make the choices I make, and if I can help someone discover some thing important in their own life–I’m glad about it!!!!!!!!! I am married with five children. This is real life not some cleaned up ad. How about some real life feed back guys!

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you could taste it? That’s me almost everyday of my life. I am a 46 year-old woman and I have been on a diet since I was 15 years old. Thirty one years is a long time to be on a diet. I have tried everything known to man, (okay–that’s a slight exaggeration) and I am still fat. I weigh 265lbs. I am so tired of this that I could just vomit. Now, I am not advocating anything. But I am doing a fasting experiment. This is my final answer. I am going to seek God’s help is losing the weight I want to lose. I have been studying about fasting for many years but I have never fasted beyond six days. Today will be my first day. I won’t weigh in every day because that will drive me crazy. Today I walked at the track, I walked 6 1/2 miles. I intend to walk everyday. One thing I have truly learned is in order to lose weight, I have to burn more calories than I eat.